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Casino Humour - Articles inspired by Gonzo Journalist Hunter S. Thompson
Lady Luck - Great Yarmouth Style
If we can't feel the touch of the opulent four-leaf clover, please, don't let us be struck down by adversity. Now, some gamblers scoff at those who say they got a raw deal. From a gambling perspective, horse racing can be one of those punts that sees your hair turn grey overnight, and then the next day you pull it out.
Why?
Because your horse traveled like a winner but got stuck behind a wall of horses. This wasn't any normal wall it was like Hadrian had built it just to piss you off. In fact, if it had been a steeplechase not only would the wall be wide it would be tall.
Touching the clouds so even Red Rum would be hanging on to the top, shoes glinting silver, refusing to refuse any fence.
Anyway, at times, we all need a little bit of something. I would rather be lucky when I have a potential big win rather than a paltry sum.
Who wouldn't?
At the casino, Lady Luck may appear as a man called John, who has a handlebar mustache, and looks like he's crawled out of a bush. He gave you a £5 chip because he thought your luck was even worse than his.
Sometimes you see a beautiful lady at the casino who, for all we know, could be Lady Luck.
I mean, I am convinced bearded wonder, John, was my Lady Luck, so a Bella Donna could well be the real deal.
My cousins love to play three-card poker at the Grosvenor Casino and one of the blokes next to him sees a gorgeous lady watching them play and looking for a little bit of Lady Luck asked her to touch his cards.
She did and the cards were turned over to reveal a run on the bounce.
I think it paid about 30/1 (not sure about the odds as I play the game so infrequently I can't remember and too lazy to look).
They were all smiles.
See, Lady Luck is living and breathing at Great Yarmouth.
As she walked away to make someone else's day my cousin said to the winner: ''I bet you wish she touched something else.''
I'm not sure if Dame Fortune goes quite that far on the first date.
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24-Hours Gambling at Great Yarmouth
You know, if it hadn't been for my family holidays at Caister-on-Sea, staying at the Ladbroke's Holiday Park, I doubt I would have ever visited this part of the Norfolk coast.
What a loss that would have been.
Great Yarmouth is a destination I visit a number of times each year. In truth, as it was for my Dad, on our family holiday, which coincided with the Eastern Festival in September, we go for gambling.
But there's so much more...
From my experience of being in Nelson country, I've worked out the best places to go, and if you give me a day off, for a change, here's exactly what I would do to enjoy the perfect 24-hours Gambling at Great Yarmouth.
Here's the itinerary:
Travel by train from my Fenland home via Ely, Norwich, and Great Yarmouth.
I love the Bittern Line, Acle Straight, for the wildlife and open landscape dotted with redundant water pumps. For years I thought they were windmills, which in ways they are, but used to pump water rather than milling grain.
From the railway station, we get a taxi to our hotel.
Now, you may be wondering which hotel I favour. I've stayed at many including The Marine Lodge, Star Hotel, The Haven, The Prom Hotel, Nelson Hotel, Embassy Hotel, The Comfort Hotel & Palm Court Hotel.
A decent number.
The hotel of choice, irrespective of cost, is Andover House Hotel, Camperdown. The road leads to the front and is one of many Victoria houses. It is one of the best parts of the town and walking distance to everywhere you need to go.
Andover House Hotel is well kept and you can guarantee a quiet stay - exceptional service. It may cost a little more than most but you definitely get what you pay for and I've had too many nights elsewhere suffering from sleepless nights with less than amiable clientele.
If you go for one of the suites or attic room you will be pleased with the decision. In addition, they have an excellent restaurant called the Copper Kitchen.
It's very much a family business and I love the place.
Now, where would we be without the gambling part?
To be fair, I'm not a crazy gambler and been known to go to Great Yarmouth horse racing and not have a bet all day. In fact, it happens more than not.
It doesn't stop me having fun and there is always a crowd of us. Often we are there for the Eastern Festival which covers three beautiful days of racing in the middle of September including Ladies' Day. I've been lucky enough to be there with my gorgeous partner, Marlene, who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida, where I reside for much of the year. She has been one of the top ten finalists of The Best Dressed Ladies' Competition in the last two years and it really has made everything so special.
She is such an amazing, special and beautiful lady.
After the horse racing, we get a taxi back to the hotel. We always book Albie's Taxis as they are so reliable.
A little rest and freshen up back at the hotel before an evening out.
So where to go for dinner?
I can imagine you are saying your recommendations.
Guess where we are going?
I know many will have enjoyed this amazing restaurant.
Pamela's.
It's literally around the corner from Andover House. You will need to book up. It looks nothing special from the exterior and you could walk past without realising its a restaurant. If you haven't been there before, you have missed out because it is very special.
You won't be disappointed.
The place has a touch of bling, very good food and service is as professional as it gets.
It isn't expensive and you really will be delighted you paid about £10 extra because I haven't been to any other restaurants in Great Yarmouth which compares.
At about 10pm we walk about one-hundred metres to the Grosvenor Casino on Marine Parade.
The casino is a listed building and it offers a touch of class. The staff is exceptional, the costs of food, drinks and anything you wish minimal.
In fact, if you take your racing badge you get a free alcoholic drink and match bets.
It's like being paid £10 simply walking through the door.
The gaming room features all the casino classic such slots, roulette, three-card poker, blackjack, and some Chinese game I don't understand.
After a couple of hours at the casino (depending on the winning or losing), it's time to walk the short distance back to the Andover House Hotel.
I like to book the hotel for a couple of days so I don't have to worry about getting out of bed early.
Then it's time to get Albie's taxi to the train station, perhaps stop for an hour or two at Norwich, and back home via Ely to the windswept Fens.
Truly money well spent.
Thank you Great Yarmouth for all the beautiful memories and so many more to come.
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Betting from My Bed
I remember once seeing John McCrirrick on TV, it was a Sunday, and he was working from his bed. It was like a lay-in but getting on with the day's work, too. A number of tabloids spread about, a pot of tea, laptop resting on his legs, covered by a blanket, as he sat upright, next to him the Boobie (what he fondly called his wife).
He was always his own man and I liked that about him.
I hope I have detailed this scene correctly as it was many years ago.
My old brain isn't what it used to be.
Anyway, I find I am working more and more from my bed.
I'm not sure if it is laziness or comfort. It could be both. Considering I'm a productive person I wouldn't put it down to laziness. It sounds slovenly. A sloth-like character, moving so-so slow, tapping keys on the keyboard, and the space bar is on delay. My little face beaming brightly like I've found a pot of honey up a tree. Or is it a raspberry cheesecake.
And you thought only porn stars worked from their bed.
Working from the comfort of the crib is a luxury few people can enjoy.
Get a cup of tea, a slice of cake, and get ready for the next horse race to start.
My bedroom is very stylish and has the look of an upmarket hotel. So I feel like I'm on vacation. Without the sea view. Unfortunately.
Perhaps one day I won't be able to get out of bed. Old age struck me down like a sloth falling out of the branches of a tree. As long as my brain works, my fingers move (just a little) I can, hopefully, make a living from the skills I have acquired over the years.
So the next time someone says they earn a living from the comfort of their bed. Don't raise your eyebrows in surprise. Because something tells me that more people than you imagine actually work from nine-to-five in their kingsize billet.
I can feel a yawn coming on.
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A 500-Word Essay About Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
fuck it, fear and loathing in las vegas edit pic.twitter.com/FTAMr244tt
— ## ash🖇️ (@lemon_guts) February 22, 2023
"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson is a classic piece of American literature that explores the underbelly of American culture through the lens of the counterculture movement of the late 1960s and early 1970s. The book is a wild and often surreal ride through the seedy and debaucherous world of Las Vegas, as seen through the eyes of the narrator and protagonist, Raoul Duke.
The book is set in 1971, and follows Duke and his attorney, Dr. Gonzo, as they travel to Las Vegas to cover a motorcycle race and a district attorney's convention. Along the way, they encounter a cast of eccentric and often dangerous characters, including drug dealers, hippies, and other members of the counterculture movement.
One of the key themes of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is the breakdown of traditional American values and the rise of a new, more hedonistic and rebellious counterculture. Through the lens of the book's wild and often drug-fueled escapades, Thompson critiques the shallow and superficial aspects of American society, including the commodification of leisure and entertainment, the obsession with material goods and possessions, and the hollow nature of the American Dream.
Another important theme in the book is the influence of drugs and alcohol on American culture. Throughout the book, Duke and Dr. Gonzo consume a wide variety of drugs, including LSD, mescaline, ether, and cocaine, and their experiences with these substances provide a commentary on the use of drugs as a means of escape from the realities of American society.
The book is written in a unique and often chaotic style, with vivid descriptions of the characters, settings, and events of the story. The narrative jumps back and forth between reality and fantasy, creating a surreal and often absurd world that is both hilarious and terrifying. This style, which has come to be known as "gonzo journalism," was a departure from the traditional style of journalism and was a major influence on the counterculture movement of the 1960s and 1970s.
One of the most memorable aspects of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is its vivid and often graphic depiction of the seedy and debaucherous world of Las Vegas. Through the eyes of Duke and Dr. Gonzo, we see the dark side of the city, including the proliferation of drugs and other illegal activities, the exploitation of tourists, and the decadent and often depraved nature of the city's entertainment and leisure industry.
In conclusion, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is a classic piece of American literature that explores the themes of counterculture, drugs and alcohol, and the breakdown of traditional American values. Through its wild and often surreal narrative, the book provides a commentary on the shallow and superficial aspects of American society, as well as a vivid and often disturbing look at the seedy and debaucherous world of Las Vegas. Hunter S. Thompson's unique style and influential voice make "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" a must-read for anyone interested in the cultural and social trends of the late 1960s and early 1970s.
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Tuesday, 1:12 AM (You're Taking A Gamble)
They say time waits for no man.
In truth, time waits for no one - animal or beast. Not animal, mineral or vegetable. But time does predict certain things like playing real money baccarat every Sunday evening or may help reason why some poor soul come unstuck simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It's one of the reasons why you should consider that life is a gamble. Even if you don't want to face the truth, imagine it's a load of mumbo jumbo or fool yourself that there are no such things as odds to chance. You know, those odds don't just stop at the end of a bookmaker's fingers as he chalks up prices on the board of Honest Joe's pitch on a cold afternoon, Cartmel at 3:45. Funnily enough, you are much more likely to be kicked in the head and die at the hooves of an errant thoroughbred horse if you want to check out your policy with Sun Life (no medical needed before or after the tragedy). Sadly, you won't get much for the price of a cup of coffee.
Anyway, I'm not getting into all this life's a gamble as I don't really want to bore you to death.
You may be thinking one time of day is pretty much the same as another.
However, thinking about it, we all know that isn't true.
It shouldn't surprise you that the early hours are more fraught with danger than Sunday afternoon, drinking tea and eating cucumber sandwiches with the vicar of St John's Church.
If you want to play it safe please lock yourself away every Tuesday night (morning) at 1:12am. (Preferably alone.)
You may be thinking, I'll do what I want. I'm a bloody night owl and enjoy casino bonuses. I've played Cluedo enough times to know that Reverend Green wasn't attacked by a wretched monkey (I mean monkey wrench) in the billiard room.
So keep your gambling, death-wishing thoughts to yourself.
However, you may be gambling with your life.
Because a detective who worked on homicide all his career decided to work out the day and time you are most likely to be murdered.
Tuesday, 1:12 am.
If I were you, every Tuesday I'd go to bed at 1:11am, and please don't provoke your spouse 30 seconds later because it's usually your nearest and dearest who want to kill you most!
(Statistically)
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Don't Go For Broke with this Idea
Go For Broke game from Ideal >>> The game you win by losing a million! On Amazon ! (https://t.co/uZRjHwiGss) Now Live @ https://t.co/ZcAi6nYJKo ! pic.twitter.com/Fvtaz7tcOh
— rugbyrep (@rugby_rep) October 19, 2021
When gambling, never take the option: Go For Broke.
Yes, I'm the master of stupid questions.
As a child, I used to play the board game: Go For Broke, made by MB. The game you play with friends and family to lose a million as fast as you can. The first to lose a fortune wins the game. I can't help but imagine if given the opportunity to choose your dream board-game candidates I'd choose the following four players: John McCrirrick, J P McManus, Terry Ramsden and Julian Clary, backed by Norman Lomont.
What a game that would be.
I can remember playing Go For Broke.
There was something very satisfying about losing a million rather than winning one, which is so last year.
I see that MB Milton Bradley may no longer manufacture the game as I see a new, snazzy, design, John Adam's Go For Broke by Ideal.
Anyway, enough about ''The game you win by losing a million''
Clearly, if this happened in real life it would be a disaster and reason why we all need to find value when betting.
So, after my daydreaming, you would rather back a given horse at 20/1 than 5/1?
Yes, the King of stupid questions.
But how can you possibly back a horse at giant odds and the next thing it is half those odds or shorter?
It sound very mysterious, hey. If you are a user of the betting exchanges, you may wish to take advantage. Now, you need to have some idea why a horse might be backed and get on at big odds.
You may be saying: ''I've not got the slightest idea how I would be able to do it.''
To be fair it would be like finding The Key to the Kingdom (another less successful board game).
Here's the logic to using your skill to bet on horses at bigger odds rather than jump in at shorter odds.
My reason, if you bet £100 at 20/1 and it's backed to half those odds, you could have a no-lose bet to win £1000 (for free). Take the opposite side of the coin where you bet on a horse at 20/1 and it drifts to 40/1.
This sounds like the board game: Go For Broke.
But laying the bet off as a loss would cost you £50. So in ways you have a lot more to gain by betting on a horse and hope it is backed to afford a no-lose bet. Clearly, you need some skill to anticipate a gamble but this could be something as simple as following the money. Or you may use statistics to help in this endeavour.
Good luck.
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